This week, on Grey's Anatomy

Hi, my name is Gwen and I'm a TV-aholic.

"Hi, Gwen."

Mostly my dramatic tastes run with police procedurals (I've seen every single episode of the original Law & Order and SVU), and the legal/medical/firefighter melodramas. I stuck with ER until the very end; LA Law and The Practice were appointment television; more recently I'm digging 9-1-1.

So as you might imagine, Shondaland is my jam. If you don't know what that means, keep reading anyway.

Grey's Anatomy is in its 15th season. I've watched from the beginning. I suffered through Izzie and Denny Duquette, I've watched Bailey mellow with age while still maintaining her badass-ness, I've witnessed Alex's transformation into a pediatric surgeon with a heart, and on and on. Personally, I was ready for Grey's to wrap it up at the end of season 11. If you watch, you know what I'm talking about.

But I just can't quit it.

And last night's episode reminded me why.

Before I go any further, two things:

If you haven't yet watched this episode and you're planning to, come back later. And, trigger warning for sexual assault. I'm not the kind of person who needs trigger warnings, but I can appreciate that some people do.



The March 28th episode of Grey's Anatomy, titled "Silent All These Years," focused on a female patient who arrives at the hospital with a cut on her cheek. Dr. Jo Karev offers to take her to the emergency department and soon realizes that there's much more going on. Jo is herself a survivor of domestic abuse and suspects the same with the patient, Abby. As it turns out, Abby's husband is out of town and she was violently raped by a stranger the night before.

Abby feels safe with Jo and begs her not to leave her side. She also gets terribly upset when she sees any male staff. Eventually she allows Jo and two other female doctors to do a rape kit because she needs surgery and once they sterilize her, any evidence will be destroyed.

As Jo talks to Abby, she tells her over and over that the rape wasn't her fault. She also talks about her own past and how she felt that it was her fault when her husband would beat her. And of course Abby says to her, "it wasn't your fault." How easy it is for us to tell someone else that but not be able to see it for ourselves.

Juxtaposed with this, we see Jo in the near past, knocking on the door of her birth mother's house. Jo was left at a fire station as a baby and bounced around foster homes. She wanted to know where she came from, and she discovers that she was the result of a rape. Her birth mother blamed herself because she had said yes to a date. And in another subplot, Bailey and Ben are faced with their teenage son dating and Ben gives him the talk about consent. (Thank you for showing this very important piece of prevention.)

The most powerful scene is when Abby needs to be taken to an operating room. She's terrified to leave the safety of the exam room she's been in, so Jo arranges for all of the female staff, without knowing why, to line the hallway while Abby is wheeled to surgery. (Music has always been an important part of Grey's Anatomy and in this episode in particular the music is so fitting.)


Here's my reason for writing this post: it is infuriating to me that in 2019 women still blame themselves for being assaulted. And the reason they do is because in many cases they ARE blamed. "What were you wearing?" "How much had you had to drink?" "Were you flirting?" This way of thinking is such bullshit and for real makes me want to burn down the patriarchy.

I've written about this before (see: Standing with the Stanford Survivor, among others) and it makes me angry and sad that I'll probably have to write about it again.

Rape is never ever ever the victim's fault. Ever.


So no, I can't quit Grey's, and I won't. Shonda Rimes, you have a fan for life. Camilla Luddington (Jo) and Khaililah Joi (Abby), I am in awe of you. And a special shout out to Debbie Allen who directed the episode, whom I have adored since Fame. As difficult as it is, I'll be watching "Silent All These Years" again.

It's Friday and I need a brain dump

Here comes some random shit that's in my head.

• I haven't yet watched any brand new shows this season. It's all I can do to keep up with This is Us and the TGIT lineup on ABC. This is highly unlike me.
  
  
• I'm currently suffering from Multiple Book Disorder. I have at LEAST five books started right now, none of which is the one for my real life book club which meets Tuesday. And my TBR pile (as in, actual books that I own that I haven't even started is hovering around twelve.
  
  
• Not sure what someone just heated up for lunch but it smells like grilled cheese to me. I could go for a basic grilled cheese and fries right about now.
  
  
• I have a vacation coming up very soon and I can. not. wait.
  
  
• Someone hacked into my Ulta account and used my rewards points. Seriously? WTF?
  
  
• I also had someone use my credit card (well, not the actual card, because I have that) at a Sam's Club. Easy to tell it wasn't me since I don't have a Sam's membership. Thank you MasterCard for alerting me to that one.
  
  
• This is Day 4 of my 50 blog posts in 50 days. I almost missed day 3, but I got it there in the nick of time.
  
  
• I have lots more to say about these things but...
  
  
•  I'm still in utter disbelief that one person can murder 59 people and injure hundreds more in a matter of minutes. This is so fucked up.
  
  
• PSA for anyone who still doesn't realize it: Puerto Ricans ARE Americans. And paper towels aren't going to help them. I still feel like I'm living in some bizarro dream and wonder when it's going to stop. (Side note: the "US" in US Virgin Islands? Yeah, that means those residents are Americans, too. Maybe if they were allowed to vote for the president they'd matter more?)
  
  
• Yet with all the crises around us, it's somehow very important to make sure that employers can cry "moral objections!" and opt to not cover birth control. The reasons this makes no sense are numerous but for now I'll just say that when the consequences of having sex are as intrusive to men as they are to women, then we can talk. Until that day, spare me the morality speech. I'm not buying it.

I think that's enough for today. Have a great weekend!

Stay tuned,

The Straw

If you know me, you know that I can seem quiet, maybe even standoffish, when really I'm just trying to formulate what I want to say. I'm not always successful at that and it sometimes gets me in trouble. ;) Conversely, if I think too long, the moment has passed and it's not relevant anymore.

The past two weeks have felt like two years. Everyday -- damn near every HOUR -- there's another outrageous story about something the President or Congress or a "senior advisor" said or did. Unfortunately, outrageous does not necessarily mean untrue.

I have strong feelings about a lot of these issues, but because of my hesitancy in speaking out and the rapid firing of information flying around, I've kept relatively quiet.

And then this happened: House Votes to Overturn Obama Rule Restricting Gun Sales to the Mentally Ill.

What the actual fuck?

How many times have we heard in recent years following mass shootings "we don't have a gun problem, we have a mental health problem." Has anyone who said that actually done anything about said mental health problem? I mean it. If they have, please let me know because I've seen no evidence of it. Instead, we're now going to make it EASIER for mentally ill people to obtain guns because otherwise we're discriminating against the mentally ill and not allowing them to exercise their second amendment rights.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Please tell me how this is making America safe? And make sure you tell the families of the victims at Sandy Hook, too. And before anyone labels me as someone who wants to ban guns, that's not true. I just want some common sense restrictions and background checks, particularly on weapons like the one used at Sandy Hook. I will never understand why civilians need guns like that.



Now that I've opened the floodgates, here's something that I wish more people would realize:

Mari Andrew

Why do people think it's OK to tell others what they should and shouldn't care about or how they should spend their own time? Yes, I'm worked up about the refugee ban. That doesn't mean I don't care about the homeless here in our country. Or the veterans. Or the homeless veterans.

But you know what I DO wonder? If the president cares about them. Where's the executive order on that? Tell you what, Donnie, you let me know when you get around to "the forgotten men and women of our country [who] will be forgotten no more."  Get back to me when you "bring back jobs." I mean, you could have started that a long time ago and led by example, but whatever.

In the meantime, I'll be watching. And so will millions of other Americans. You spent eight years bashing Obama and trying to de-legitimize his presidency. Buckle up.

Gimme a V!

I'm generally not a fan of sentences that begin with "No matter your political leanings, ..." But today I'm doing just that. And I promise this will be as non-partisan as I can possibly be.


No matter your political leanings, please do not let ANY polls factor in to whether or not you will vote. If you've already voted, that's awesome. If not, please, please, pretty please get out and vote on Tuesday. People have quite literally died to ensure that future generations are able to exercise this right. We are those generations.

I recently watched the movie Suffragette, which chronicles the struggles of women in England in the early 20th century who were beaten, jailed, and lost their families and sometimes their lives while fighting for the vote. At the end of the movie there is a running list of various countries around the world and when women were given the right to vote. Probably the most astonishing one on this list for me was Switzerland, 1971. I fully admit to knowing nothing about Switzerland's political history, but seriously? 1971?!

No matter your political leanings, don't ignore down-ballot races. Pay attention to Senate and House candidates, even at the state level. Do some research on the judges up for election in your area. Don't blow off the city council. These people really will have a say in your future. And for those who don't believe their vote counts, these are the places where your vote absolutely counts.


No matter your political leanings, take the high road after election day. I know that's a pipe dream, but no matter the outcome, we all have to live with it, and we really do need to all work together.

Standing with the Stanford Survivor

By now you know about the Stanford rape case in which Brock Turner received a mere six month sentence for sexually assaulting an unconscious woman. While debating about whether or not to address this, I thought "does the world really need another article/blog post about this heinous injustice?" And then I decided that really, there can't be too many. If people don't want to read this one, that's fine. But my hope is that everyone has read something about this and feels as angry (and sad) as I do.


I'm not going to rehash the details of the case, or of the statements made by the victim (who is one of the bravest people ever, in my opinion) and the perpetrator's father (who is ballsy but I wouldn't equate that with being brave). But I have a few thoughts that I want to share.


There's been a lot of outcry about how the media initially used a pretty yearbook picture of Turner instead of his mugshot and that they described him as an "athlete" instead of "rapist." While I agree with that objection I also think, go ahead and use a clean cut picture. Go ahead and call him a former Olympic hopeful. Make sure people see that rapists can look like the guy next door. They can seem like "everybody's all-American."


I'm not a parent, and I have no idea how I'd handle this as a parent. I hope I would encourage my daughter to be strong and confident, and also smart about situations she finds herself in.
I hope I'd reiterate to my son that no means no. And as my friend Christine wrote on Facebook, "anything less than an enthusiastic yes is a no." And while I can't believe it's necessary to say this, unconscious means NO.


It's still so infuriating that women are treated as second-class citizens when it comes to sexual assault. In the "he said / she said" scenarios, her word doesn't carry as much weight as his. In this particular case, the survivor has been traumatized for life, yet Judge Aaron Persky felt that jail time would have a "severe impact" on Brock Turner.

ISN'T THAT THE POINT?!



As I said earlier, there have been multitudes of blog posts and letters and articles about the Stanford case. I'll share two of them here, both written by people I personally know.


One is by Steph, whom most of you should know by now, and if you don't know her or of her, know that she is a fierce feminist and in this particular post, she's pissed off.

Rape is never, ever, EVER the victim's fault, regardless of what she did or didn't do, what she wore, how she acted. Her life is never less important than her attacker's regardless of what station in life either of them occupies.  ~ Life According to Steph

If you're looking for a softer approach, check out this article by Marty, a college classmate of mine who is a Lutheran minister.

• When we compliment boys on their brains and girls on their appearance, we make Brock Turner possible.

• When we warn female college students to take precautions against drunken fraternity brothers (instead of educating those frat boys on the true meaning of the words “mutual consent”), we make Brock Turner possible.

• When we encourage our sons to enjoy their sexuality and shame our daughters for doing the same, we make Brock Turner possible. 

~ Martin Zimmann on the Living Lutheran website 

And a bonus excerpt from my friend Candy's Facebook post:

We have to be angry about more than one man, just because we happen to know his name. We have to be talking to our sons. We have to be talking to our partners. We have to be looking at the records of our judges when we vote. We have to be listening to our daughters. We have to be supporting the victims, wrapping ourselves around them the way we wish we could have that night.

Do not let your outrage be about one man. Let it be something that changes you, the way you speak, the way you care for others. The victim in this case has said that for right now, she prefers to remain anonymous so that she can be every woman. Let this be about every woman. Let your outrage merge with compassion and fuel something greater than one small man.

Highlights of the week

This week it was my turn to host Yahtzee. My theme, if you can call it that, was "shit I found on the internet." I was running around like a crazy person trying to get everything done at the last minute but it all turned out great and it was lovely having time with my girls.

Left: Brownie Batter Dip (yes, those are Lorna Doone cookies on that tray and they were fantastic with this dip)
Right: Tasty's Meatball Sub Bake - next time I might use more sauce but this was super easy!
Not pictured: Warm Bacon Blue Cheese Dip - take a tip from me and double this recipe, Black Bean Hummus with veggies and pita chips, Shrimp Cocktail, beer and wine.

A couple weeks ago Aaron and I joined a different gym. I haven't worked out in well over two years, due to surgeries and whatnot and then just plain laziness. Gwensday morning I got up early and did a proper weights workout at the gym before work. I'm feeling it but it's a good feeling. Of course there's still always this obstacle:

All week I've been thinking about this whole bathroom law bullshit and I knew I wanted to address it here but had a really hard time putting the words together. Fortunately my real-life and blog friend Steph hit it hard in her post yesterday. Some of my favorite parts from the post include:

• "We've all been going to the bathroom with transgender people for years, we just didn't know it because no one is required to flash their private parts to go to the bathroom in a public restroom." This is what blows my mind. If I'm in the restroom with a trans woman, guess what? I'm not going to actually see her genitals.
  
• "Women and children get attacked and raped all across this country every day and no one gives a fuck until now, when people want to pee with people they look like instead of where the genitals they were born with say they should pee." 

The only thing a bathroom law does is allow more hatred and bigotry toward not only transgender people, but also anyone who looks androgynous or just doesn't look like what someone thinks they should (remember SNL's "It's Pat?"). If only the Target protesters would focus their anger and energy on real sexual predators instead of people who just want to pee, now THAT would be productive.

Truth.

Speaking of Steph, she and Jana not only host the monthly Show Us Your Books link up, but they've also started a podcast about books called The Armchair Librarians. There are now 8 episodes and I totally binge-listened to all of them yesterday. My personal favorite is the one with Jana's 9-year-old daughter, who chastises Jana because she "only" reads violent books. Plus I couldn't help wondering how hard it was for them to not curse in that particular episode.


Happy Weekend!

SCOTUS: We Know Drama

If you watch TNT half as much as I do, you understand the title reference. Boom.

Last Friday I was in the waiting room of a doctor's office and frantically hitting "refresh" on the SCOTUS website on my phone. Just before I was called back, I saw the ruling on Obergefell v. Hodges and felt like I let out a breath that I had been holding. I can't even imagine the feelings my gay and lesbian friends were experiencing.

I've written before about my feelings on same-sex marriage and I've given a lot of thought to whether or not I'd address it again now, but (obviously) I decided to go ahead and do it.

I'm no political scientist or constitutional expert, but here's what I believe. It sucks that this had to get to the Supreme Court. But it sucks even more when states' rights are given more weight than human rights. When any one group of law-abiding citizens, whether blacks, women, gays, Jews, Muslims, and on and on, are treated as second-class, we should all be outraged. And if the court has to step in to prevent that, well that's why we have a Supreme Court.

As for those who now fear that their religious freedoms are being trampled, I certainly hope that they're interviewing heterosexual couples and making sure that they are not engaging in any activities that also might go against one's religious convictions. Stop picking and choosing which parts of the Bible to follow.

Actually, I take that back. It's hypocritical of me. Because the parts of the Bible that I choose to follow are:

"Love your neighbor as yourself" ~ Mark 12:31

and

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" ~ Luke 6:31

And believe me, I struggle with those. But the fact is that atheists get married all the time. Is anyone asking them if they believe in God before issuing a marriage license or baking a cake? Does the florist ask if either party committed adultery? Because, you know, stoning.

Part of my point in all of this is that it just makes me sad that as a country we're spending time, energy and money on fighting with each other instead of fixing things like education, Social Security, poverty, not to mention fighting groups like ISIS. The more we argue with each other, the more vulnerable we are to outside threats.

Which brings me to the issue of racism. The horrific events in Charleston two weeks ago sparked the conversation about the Confederate flag. Look, if retailers want to sell Confederate paraphernalia, have at it. But it's appalling to me that state flags and license plates still have that symbol. And I'm disgusted that Rev. Pinckney's casket had to pass by that flag at the state capitol.

Now come reports that up to seven black churches have burned since the Charleston massacre. I've heard some say that it's not really seven, and not all of them are arson. But seriously, isn't just one too many?

Just taking down the Confederate flag will not eradicate racism. But I think that flag is not just a symbol of racism; it's also a reminder of the divide and Civil War that our country went through 150 years ago. And while it's an important part of our history, I don't think that as a country we need that reminder on state symbols. Again, it's just more arguing with each other.

“Can we all get along?” ~ Rodney King

Thursday Thoughts

Today I'm stealing a page from Steph for some Thursday Thoughts (now watch, she won't do that today). Update: she didn't.


I don't mean to complain about the rain when other parts of the country have it so much worse, at both ends of the spectrum. But enough already! Last weekend we had our own little Lake Carmack in our driveway.


And now, a moment about cat litter boxes. We have a closet under our stairs affectionately known as the Cat Closet where the litter box lives. There's a hole cut in the door for easy access. You'll notice I said litter box (singular) and you might be thinking "girl, don't you have three cats? And you only have ONE litter box." Why yes, yes I do.

We used to have multiple litter boxes in the closet but after we added a third cat we were having some litter box issues. Our friends Amy and Ray suggested going to Lowe's/Home Depot/pick-your-building-supply-store and getting a concrete mixing tub. Brilliant -- and cheap! And the cats love it.

On a side note, it never fails that as soon as we've scooped the box, Bella is right there to use it. We call her The Biscuit because she likes a clean bowl (how many of you know that reference?).

Yes, I totally took a picture of my cat using the litter box.

Last night my neighbor and friend Amy came over to help me with Project Mail Sort (to solve the problem I mentioned a couple weeks ago). With beer and wine and pizza in hand we tackled the disaster.

And now it looks like this:

Now I just have to keep up with the incoming mail and keep the piano clean. Thank you so much, Amy!



I know it's not the topic of the week anymore, but I'm going to talk about Caitlyn Jenner. And by "talk about" I mean borrow thoughts from other bloggers. First up, from my ten-years-younger twin, the aforementioned Steph. She wrote this a couple weeks ago:

"Is [Caitlyn Jenner] a hero in my life? No. Do I think she could be a hero to people struggling with a transgender identity issues? Absolutely. I wonder if the people who can't reconcile the idea of more than one type of hero in their minds are just intellectually incapable of doing so. Some people are heroes to many, and some people are heroes to specific groups of people, and more than one type of hero can co-exist in this universe. There are many ways to be heroic, courageous, and brave. One's life does not need to be in danger from outside forces or disease to be any of those things. I count suffragettes among my heroes and I'm pretty sure many people who were never denied the right to vote wouldn't. But if you told me they were not heroes I'd tell you to go fuck yourself because to me, they are. Just because someone is not a hero to you doesn't mean they can't be a hero to someone else. Heroes are personal. It is not for us to decide  who holds the title of hero for someone else. Live and let live."

Then I read this post from a blog that's not on my reading list, but a friend shared it on Facebook and I loved it. The writer is a woman who identifies as (the new buzz phrase) a born-again Christian who says "I choose love. I choose encouragement. I choose edification. I choose support."

To put my own feelings out there, I just don't understand all the negative energy spent by people who don't agree with Caitlyn's decision to live a life that she has suppressed since childhood. There was a petition (which accumulated more than 3,000 signatures) to have Bruce Jenner's 1976 decathlon gold medal stripped. Seriously? How ridiculous.

Show me how big your brave is....

Just in case you don't understand where that title came from, you should listen to this song. I'll wait.



I'm a big fan of Sara Bareilles and I fell in love with "Brave" even before I knew the significance of it. She co-wrote it after seeing a friend's struggles with coming out. Her goal was for the song to get radio airplay. Not only did she accomplish that, but she earned a Grammy nomination in the process. Her co-writer, Jack Antonoff (from the band fun.) calls the song a "civil rights anthem" for our time. Incidentally, I sang it at karaoke last night.


OK, hang on, because shit's about to get real.

Version of the quote by Martin Niemöller, photo from the
Holocaust memorial in Boston

I am not comparing Holocaust victims to blacks in 1960s America to post-9/11 Muslims to LGBTs today or any other persecuted group of people, but you'd better believe there are similarities.  I have experienced discrimination, but nothing to the extent that they did/do. After all, I may be female, but I'm about as WASP-y as you can get. I don't know what it's like to be refused service based on my skin color or my ethnicity or my religion. Now there are stories all over the news about states possibly passing legislation that would make discrimination against homosexuals legal.

Are you freaking kidding me?

It's awful enough to hear about the anti-gay laws in Russia or the one just signed in Uganda this week. This is the United States of America. How can we let this happen? Why is it OK to discriminate against any group of people? I can't begin to imagine living in an area where I might see signs that read "Heterosexuals Only." (On the other hand, if a business owner truly feels that way, maybe it's best to go ahead and post it, so I know not to spend my money there.)

And I can't even discuss the so-called "Christians" who go out of their way to not only protest but actively cause pain to members of the LGBT community or anyone else who isn't like them. A couple weeks ago in church we sang the song which includes the line "and they'll know we are Christians by our love." I thought to myself how sad it is that that's not always the case anymore. These days if you tell someone you're Christian he/she just might think you're a follower of Fred Phelps and his westboro baptist church, which by the way, is in no way affiliated with any real Baptist denomination (I can't even bring myself to capitalize it). And crazy enough, there are less that 50 members of that "church," but they get so much press that I fear people believe they're legitimate.

I'm here to tell you that THOSE people are not Christians, nor is anyone who tries to tell you that "Jesus hates gays." Newsflash: Jesus hated no one, and nowhere in the Bible did Jesus even mention homosexuality. I'm also here to tell you that real Christians don't hold all the cards when it comes to loving your neighbor. In my mind, that's a human quality. The end.

I'm far from perfect. I can be catty and I sometimes judge people based on their clothing or hairstyle or some other meaningless trait. I've been bullied and I've been a mean girl. I'm not proud of it, but it's true. A friend posted this on Facebook recently and I have to be honest that the non-perfect part of me really has a problem with the next-to-last one on this list.

There are a lot of things in life that we can't control. But we really can do something about the threatened legislation going on here in our own country. Speak up. Use your voice. Vote. I wanna see you (and me) be brave.

A Bunch of Thursday Randomness

Let's talk snow. Yes, it's winter. Yes, it snows in winter. But we rarely get THAT much snow at one time here in Columbus. The official snowfall for Tuesday night/Gwensday morning was 10.7 inches. We didn't have quite that much in the city but it was more than six inches for sure and on top of that we got freezing rain. Aaron shoveled for two hours before caving and borrowing a friend's snowblower.

Here's the thing, don't be a damn hero. If you don't have to go anywhere, stay home. Simple as that. I'm telling you, the roads are shitastic and while I'm missing my 4WD vehicle right about now, even that doesn't guarantee you won't go slip sliding away. And I get it, the schools have been closed a lot this winter and that's a bitch for parents who have to scramble to find childcare for the younger kids, but I think it's hilarious when parents who have no problem taking their kids out of school for a vacation complain that snow days are hindering their children's education.

No you did not. Shut up.

Do you watch The Biggest Loser? I don't, but I've seen a lot about the controversy surrounding the latest winner and "did she go too far?" I'll admit that she looks quite thin and apparently her BMI is slightly below "healthy," but I have two problems here. 1) I wonder if people would be as up in arms had it been a man in the same set of facts. 2) People, please. There is nothing healthy about the format of this show. I saw a tweet from someone who said she watched the finale with her teenage daughters and she was disgusted. Sorry, but why are you watching with your teenage daughters at all? This extreme weight loss is unrealistic and can be dangerous, whether or not the winner appears "emaciated."


I didn't manage to post yesterday but I do have Tuesday's karaoke playlist. We had a great time watching the snow and even Aaron sang.

In that picture he's singing Harry Connick, Jr.'s "Where or When." He also sang Van Halen's "Ice Cream Man" and Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice." Here's mine:




On "If I Had You," Aaron played air piano. Haha!

Pictureless Random Gwensday

Commence the brain dumping...

Yesterday morning we woke up to snow on the ground. I refrained from taking pictures of it because a) it was gone by afternoon and b) it's too early for snow in my opinion AND c) 783 of my friends on Facebook posted plenty of pictures.

I ordered an OtterBox phone case and it arrived today. I should have waited until later to put it on the phone because I think I need a drink after all that. Even better, I think there's a little something on the inside of the screen cover but I'm going to try and deal with it for the time being. But at least I know that if I drop my phone in the toilet it will be okay (not that I've ever done such a thing but you know, just in case).

I've mentioned my love for Sting before, and I recently heard that he and Paul Simon are touring together in 2014. As of now, they won't be in Columbus, or even within a few hours' drive, but I somehow must get to a show. I might have to travel to do so; maybe I should start a fundraising campaign? (KIDDING.)

And now to switch gears a bit...

Last week Helene wrote about an article in her alma mater's college newspaper in which the author responded to an increase of sexual assaults on campus by suggesting that the victims share the blame with the perpetrators. Helene's post is here; the original article is here. I was furious when reading this and considered writing about it on the blog but I wasn't coming up with anything that I felt was original.

But then Katie from The Style Dunce wrote An Open Letter to Female Rape Apologists and it says all I want to say and more. I urge you to read it, but this paragraph sums it up perfectly:

I don't think there is anything wrong with being cautious. We enter into every situation in our lives with our gained knowledge of how the world works. I don't see a problem with a mother telling her college-aged daughter, "Be careful at the party, hun. Don't drink too much and go with some friends." But there is a world of difference between "be careful" and "be careful or you asked for it." 

Yes, be smart. But it's still no guarantee of your safety. And it's damn sure not your fault. The only blame is the asshole rapist. Period.

Happy Gwensday and stay warm!

Just Stop

Dear Congress,

Welcome to Asshole Island. This is a magical place where we send all the assholes so they will never bother us again. Your stay here will be open-ended and hopefully miserable, since we've sent all the mosquitoes here as well. Enjoy.

The government shutdown is over. For now. Don't be surprised when we're feeling a sense of déjà vu in a few months. The assholes in Congress have been compared to toddlers more than once and here's another similarity: now that they've made a big ole mess of things, they're taking a break. Poor babies dragged out all their toys but other people have to clean them up. AND ... of course this eleventh hour deal couldn't be straightforward; there were some random provisions in there about an Ohio River dam project, a post-flood rebuilding project in Colorado and a death benefit payment to a Senator's widow. Look, I'm not saying those things individually aren't important, but what the hell do they have to do with ending the shutdown? Just stop.

I keep hearing that the cost of the shutdown is $24 billion dollars. We'll never know the REAL cost of the shutdown because trust me, there will be ripple effects, and there are numerous intangibles of how this mess screwed up people's lives. I think the debt ceiling probably needs raised even more just to be able to pay for a giant temper tantrum. Just stop.

I wish all of Congress would get voted out, but the problem is that the people who might actually do some good are all too smart and/or scared to put themselves through a campaign. Campaigns suck. Why can't you just tell me where you stand on the issues and what you hope to do if elected (don't bullshit me by telling me what you WILL do, because it's not all up to you). Just stop.

I really wish Asshole Island were a real place. Let's get to work on that, shall we?

Oh, and welcome to the Senate, Cory Booker. Have fun with that.

Welcome to Buctober!

You'll have to forgive me today. I can hardly think of anything but this:

Tonight you'll find Aaron and me at our local Buffalo Wild Wings watching the game and trying not to piss each other off. Tomorrow one of our flags will come down off the porch and one of us will be devastated (though hopefully not as devastated as I was on October 14, 1992, the last time Pittsburgh was in the playoffs, when they lost game 7 of the NLCS to the Atlanta Braves - seriously, you wouldn't believe my reaction to that loss).

But the good news is that whoever wins tonight, Aaron and I will both be cheering on that team for the remainder of the playoffs. Because we both hate the Cardinals. One of us will be bummed, but we'll get over it in time for the next game (I hope).

The other thing I'm thinking of is the government shut-down, of course. I'm not educated enough on the subject to feel confident in saying much other than this: there are a lot of Congressmen and women who are acting like children and it's ridiculous. I'm ready to clean house in Congress. Fire them all, and for God's sake take away THEIR paychecks. Now.

OK, that's as far as I can go on that subject because I have baseball on the brain.

Let’s Go Bucs!

Borrowing Soapbox Topics

While reading some other blogs, I came across not one, but two topics that I feel like I need to share.

The first one is from Erin at She's a Big Star. Erin was one of the co-hosts of last Friday's blog linkup about football. The gist of it is that after Friday's post, someone contacted her about blogging about DirecTV's NFL Sunday Ticket. Sounds pretty cool, right? Erin thought so, too, except that the man's email specifically said that he wanted her to write about why men need Sunday Ticket. When she explained that she'd love to do the post but she's a woman, as are the vast majority of her readers, the guy replied that instead, they'd like her to blog about "How to Keep Your Home Safe as a Single Woman." So today Erin wrote an open letter in response to this person, and it's fabulous. You can read it here.

Amen, sister

Next we have my real-life friend Steph at Life According to Steph, who posted today about oversharing on Facebook. I couldn't agree more, and I can't really say it much better, so I urge you to read her post. (You can find it here.) Steph and I are very similar in that we'll tell it like it is, but we're not going to post things that we know will hurt a friend's feelings or divulge something that's been entrusted to us. At least, not intentionally.

I've talked about my infertility, insecurity and bad habits. I'm honest here and on Facebook, but that doesn't mean I tell you everything. Facebook posts that expose skeletons in another's closet or seek attention without really saying what's going on (otherwise known as "vaguebooking") are unnecessary and immature. But let me be clear, if you choose to post such things, I will get my free entertainment out of it.

Sad but true