Why Is Cancer Still a Thing?

Seven years ago today, I underwent a double mastectomy and reconstruction. I've been cancer free ever since. These are the days when Facebook Memories are really nice to read. I had SO much love and support. I had adopted animal print as my own personal cancer color because I have an aversion to pink, and the number of people who took selfies while wearing animal print was and is overwhelming. 

This year I have been overwhelmed in a different way because of the number of people I love who are either going through cancer, or who have people they love going through cancer. A friend told me that her mother-in-law had been diagnosed with lymphoma, which prompted me to say "why is cancer still a thing?" 

A college friend had surgery this week due to breast cancer. She confided in me early on and let me know that she had gone back and read my blog posts about my own experience. (Never underestimate the effect you might have on someone just by telling your story.)

My sister-in-law recently had the same surgery that I did. I'm thrilled to say that she is also cancer free and will not need chemo or radiation. Aaron is riding the Pan Ohio Hope Ride in July for the 7th time, but this time it's in honor of his sister. 

Just this week, I found out that the daughter of one of my childhood friends was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's 29. TWENTY-NINE. 

And while not a human case, our cat Clover died a couple months ago after surgery in which it was discovered that she had not one, but two different kinds of cancer. Seriously? 

Clover in her camo "surgical recovery suit"

I guess I don't really have a point to this post, except to celebrate my own survivor status, rant about the fact that cancer IS still a thing, and send out good juju to all those going through their own battles. I see you, and I'm with you.

I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion

Say whatever you want about Rachel Platten's "Fight Song," but I like it. You might think it's a cheesy pop song, but it inspires me and gets me fired up. And for those of you (like my husband) who don't know what I'm talking about, here it is:

For those who don't know, this Saturday I'll be riding my bicycle 45 miles in Pelotonia, which is a fundraiser for cancer research. 100% of donations go directly to The Ohio State University Comprehensive Cancer Center-James Cancer Hospital and Solove Research Institute (more commonly known as The James).

I first rode in Pelotonia in 2011 after my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. I had every intention of riding again, but my own health issues got in the way. This year I decided to get back on the bike. I really enjoy it and I wanted to actively be a part of Pelotonia.

To prepare for this ride, I started cycling to and from work. It's between 5 1/2 and 7 miles one way, depending on which route I take. I don't always do it every day - if I have an outside meeting or something for which I need to be "presentable," I'll drive. Then on the weekends I've gone on longer rides. One Saturday I rode 20 miles and I heard "Fight Song" at about mile 15 and I'm telling you it really pushed me.

Last weekend I rode in a cerebral palsy fundraiser called Pedal with Pete and I went 50 miles! I got a flat tire just a few miles from the finish, but luckily the SAG wagon helped me out and I was able to get that 50. So now I know I'm capable of the 45 miles I've committed to this weekend.

In the last month something in me has changed. I find that if I go more than a couple days without getting on the bike, I miss it. If I'm having a bad day, a bike ride will (most of the time) make me feel better. Who knew?! OK, a lot of people knew, but it's still kind of crazy to realize it for yourself.

Part of what "Fight Song" is about is how one person can have a huge impact. And that's true in so many ways. If you're so inclined, please consider designating some of your charitable dollars toward Pelotonia. My fundraising page is https://pelotonia.org/inittogwenit. No donation is too small. Thank you to those who have already donated - you'll get a more personal thank you after the ride. And thank you in advance for all of your support, monetary or otherwise.

51.22 miles and still smiling!

TWO Years!

Today I'm celebrating two years since some awesome doctors and nurses weaved their magic to rid my body of breast cancer. Last year on this date I wrote a post about how shitty the first year was. Seeing as how I've been a blogging slacker, here's an update on that post.


The second year has been better than the first, but not without its struggles. The good news is that I continue to see the breast surgeon every six months and everything is A-OK. I still have some moments of worry -- how can I not -- but I don't take for granted how fortunate I have been in my cancer journey.

I still have some pain around the abdominal scar and I know when I've overdone it. This is annoying, but I have no regrets with the surgical choices I made, and I'm hopeful that this will get better.

I still get hit with bouts of depression. I went to therapy for a while and I'm not afraid to go back if I need to, but for now, when I feel low I know that I just need some time to myself. And that's OK.

We put my mom's house on the market in October. It's still for sale. This is pretty frustrating, not to mention costly, but we'll get through it.

I'm no longer afraid to fall asleep. If I stay up too late it's just because I'm wrapped up in a book or watching Netflix.

Our family suffered a blow when Aaron's mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died a mere 10 weeks later. It's still weird to think about how fast it all happened.

I remain overwhelmed and grateful for the love and support of my friends and family, including online friends I've never met.

This is by no means an inclusive list of the ups and downs of the past year, but overall life is good and I'm happy to be able to enjoy it. I'm still going to bitch about benign shit because, well, I'm still me.


Meanwhile, I try to remember this:

One thing I've never had is a kidney stone, but I'm certain I don't want one.

Feeling All the Feels

...which, by the way, isn't a phrase I use very often, but it's very appropriate right now.

One year ago today I underwent a double mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction, which removed all the cancer from my body. I'm extremely lucky that things worked out the way they did; my cancer was Stage Zero, and I didn't need radiation or chemo or even hormone therapy. But that doesn't mean it was easy. I had four surgeries in nine months and I still have pain at incision sites. And then there's the emotional toll, which I can't quantify. I can't even determine which emotions relate to which major life event. Because while going through cancer-ridding procedures, my mom was taken away with no warning.

My mom's death came three days after one of my surgeries, so healing and rest took a back seat to funeral arrangements and care for my grandmother. Proper grieving wasn't really an option. Then came legalities with both my mom and my grandma. I'm the executor of my mom's estate and now my grandma's power of attorney. I'm dealing with figuring out what to do with my mom's house as well as the house my grandma lived in for decades.

It took a few months, but then the depression hit. We sold my mom's car and on the way to the dealership I had to pull over on the shoulder of a freeway because I was crying so hard. Over a stupid car. A postponed trip to Florida in February has yet to be rescheduled. Mail piles up on the piano until someone comes over, then the piles get moved to the garage. I've messed up things at work that I never would have before. I end up putting out fires in one area of my life only to have another one start burning. Many nights I stay awake until I can't keep my eyes open because I'm afraid that I might go to sleep and not wake up.

On one hand, I don't want to sound like I'm whining or complaining. Plenty of people have worse shit going on in their lives. But I'm also the first one to say to someone else "your shit is important to you; don't discount it." A couple weeks ago, Jana wrote a post called #shareyourugly in which she encouraged bloggers to "discuss your battles" and that we don't always have to show perfection.

I have had a nasty year-plus. I've tried to downplay it but as more than one person has told me lately, a lot of people will go through their whole lives and not have to deal with what I have had in a year.

And for those of you thinking "girl, get some therapy," I intend to do just that.

In the meantime, tonight we celebrate one year cancer-free!

Medical Update and other stuff

I haven't talked too much about my surgery recovery in a while. It's been smooth sailing for the most part although I still get tired very easily. Last weekend Aaron and I walked about 2 1/2 miles and it wiped me out for the rest of the weekend.

Tomorrow I'm having another surgery. It's Stage 2 of the reconstruction. The first part was all about making sure the transplanted tissue survived. This time is where the magic happens, as I like to say. I'll have scar revision on my stomach from where the incision had opened up, and some nipping and tucking on the new boobs. It's outpatient surgery and should last maybe a couple hours. The bummer is that we were supposed to go away for the long weekend with friends, but if I didn't have this surgery now I'd have to wait until October.

I'm sorry that some of you (including family) are finding this out for the first time by reading this. It came up pretty quickly and honestly, I didn't want to say too much until I had my pre-op appointment this week because part of me was nervous that they'd make me wait. The rule of thumb between Stage 1 and Stage 2 seems to be 3 months, and I'm just barely there. But it seems that we're a go so send me some good vibes tomorrow!



I've stayed away from talking about the Ferguson situation, but if you haven't seen Jon Stewart's take, watch it now.

The Daily Show
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In the case of his story about the producer and the correspondent, I would have been suspicious of the white guy because to be honest, I do tend to judge people based on their appearance. We all have our prejudices. And while I don't know what happened specifically in Ferguson, we cannot pretend that race is not an issue in this country.




On a lighter note, if you don't follow me on Instagram or my personal Facebook, you missed this gem:

I might have to frame that one.


And today I saw this:

Of course, I won't be drinking much wine for a little while, but this suits me for sure!

A boy and his bike

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I completely took for granted the fact that I live in a city with superb medical facilities and surgeons. In fact, we joked that I had to go to a hospital 20 whole minutes from home, instead of the one that's about 7 minutes away.

Then I started reading other people's stories about how they had to fly to another state or drive 7 hours to get treatment. And then what about their caregivers? The travel and lodging could get really expensive. The American Cancer Society has facilities called Hope Lodges which provide a free place to stay for patients and caregivers who have to travel far from home for surgery or other treatment.

On Friday I mentioned that Aaron would be participating in a bike ride going from one end of Ohio to the other. It's called the Pan Ohio Hope Ride and it's a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society and more specifically, for Hope Lodges. He rode 328 miles with 400 or so other riders over a four day period.

For those of you who didn't see Facebook or Instagram posts, here's how the weekend went for him.

On Wednesday he boarded a bus that took him to Cleveland. He stayed in a hotel downtown and was up bright and early for the start of the ride. He took this picture of the Browns' stadium, Lake Erie and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame:

Day 1 went very well. The temperatures were cool, the wind was at their backs and they biked about 75 miles to the College of Wooster. Aaron opted to camp each night, which is quite something since he probably hadn't spent a night in a tent in over 25 years.

Aaron's gear

Day 2 was the longest day, in which they rode from Wooster to Otterbein University in Westerville, a suburb of Columbus. This ride was about 100 miles and went through Amish country and included some sizeable hills. Still, he felt pretty good, and again the weather was lovely. Aaron easily could have decided to sleep at home this night, but he stuck with the tent.


Day 3 - Aaron overslept, and had to haul ass to catch up with the rest of the riders. Fortunately, they had a police escort through Columbus so the group wasn't moving too quickly. I got to see him riding down High Street not too far from our house. This was another 75 mile ride ending in Springfield at Wittenberg University, our alma mater. Aaron said it was the hardest day. It was very flat and they didn't see any rain, but they were traveling due west into a headwind. Once they arrived and were safely consuming pizza and beer, the rains came. He ended up setting up his tent inside a dorm.

Day 4 they rode about 80 miles to downtown Cincinnati. On this day they finally had some heavy rain, but still made pretty good time and arrived around 2:00. Aaron's parents, his sister and her family, and one of his best friends were all there to greet him.

New decor for the car

He has complained about some soreness, but I seriously sometimes wonder if he's human because he seems totally fine. He even got on his bike last night to go to a customer's house. Of course, those of us who know Aaron aren't that surprised. If you don't know about his recent history with bicycles, you can read about an accident he had almost four years ago. Given all that, it's even more remarkable that he was able (both physically and mentally) to do this ride. But that's just how he rolls. Pun intended.

Thank you all for your support and well wishes!

More Pain in the Ass Things About Breast Cancer

So here we are, four weeks out of the big surgery. I did a pre-op version of superficial things that pissed me off about having cancer (you can read it here if you missed it) and today I have a post-op edition. You know me, there will probably be more to come...

Grooming. I've been fortunate in that I haven't had limitations moving my arms. I could wash my hair the first time I showered after surgery, and luckily with my curly hair and a good cut, air drying works well. But I can't quite shave my legs. Aaron says he won't do it, and frankly I wouldn't want him to. Thank Target for maxi skirts. I also didn't make time for a pedicure before surgery so my feet and toes are less than lovely. I might be able to go get one done here sometime soon but obviously I can't do my own.

I did get my nails done last week!
OPI "Green on the Runway"

Lack of strength. One day, about a week after I got home from the hospital, Aaron called around lunchtime and said that he didn't know if he could get home to feed me. I said that was OK, that I thought I could make a smoothie for myself. We have a handy dandy NutriBullet, and everything was lightweight and within reach. Well, I made the smoothie with no problem, but I couldn't unscrew the container to be able to consume it. I had to text Aaron and ask him to just stop by and help. As Steph said, at least I got to third base with the smoothie.

Clothing. Until I'm told otherwise, I have to wear a surgical bra. I have two of them, so while one is in the laundry I can wear the other one. (Oh, that leads me to another thing: the need to do laundry nearly every day.) It's white and bulky, with thick velcro straps, and just not very flattering. Granted, it's still too early to even know what size bra to get but it drives me crazy just the same.

Sexy, right? (Also, upside down)

Missing out. This is becoming less of an issue, but I do still have to choose carefully what events I'm going to attend. I get tired easily and while I don't have "pain" pain, I am very sore. Last weekend was Comfest and we still had our annual brunch on Saturday. I parked myself in a chair while wearing a tiara and held court. Sunday I actually made it to the festival, but I may have overdone it a bit, as Monday was spent not moving a whole lot.

Things that don’t suck: Our friends. We had a lot of help Saturday both for the brunch and afterward, when some of the neighbors landed back at our place for a late dinner. And people always say we have great parties, but a big reason for that is the mix of people from different parts of our life who come together beautifully.

And then there was this. Allyson has a business called The Scrabble Chick. She makes jewelry using Scrabble tiles and normally she and her husband have a booth at Comfest but they didn't this year, so they were able to come to the brunch. Allyson gave me this bracelet:

In case you're wondering, the other side of the tile is a "G."

I cried. Aaron cried. She gave me some extras of the tiles so Aaron immediately put one on a chain and wore it around his neck. You can find The Scrabble Chick on Facebook and Etsy.

Linking up with Kathy

The "I got out of the house" Weekend

I actually ventured out this weekend. I learned that I currently have about a 2 hour limit on public appearances, but it was wonderful to be out and to see a lot of friends.

It was Pride Weekend in Columbus. George Takei was the Grand Marshal of the parade, which I think is super cool. We were invited to two brunches on Saturday; I made it to one, which also involved walking about a half mile (that was a little rough so we took a Car2Go home). I did not go to the parade.

Our flags; a necklace that I wore as a bracelet

Saturday night a bunch of us went to see Ben Folds play with the Columbus Symphony as part of the Picnic with the Pops series. I wasn't sure how this would go for me, but I really wanted to see/hear Ben. It worked out well for me that I didn't have to walk far at all and I was hooked up with a sweet reclining chair so I was as comfortable as possible. I did make it for the whole show, but I was more than ready to get out of there by the end. (The concert itself was fabulous!)

Photo on left courtesy of Columbus Symphony Orchestra.
Top right was my view - thank God for the screens on the side.
Bottom right - my peeps gathered around me.

Also on Saturday I was busy following Steph's photos of Relay for Life. I got some texts from her as well to show me these luminaries in my honor:

So cool to have this support from Philly!

And speaking of cancer fundraisers... In late July Aaron is going to ride in the Pan Ohio Hope Ride, sponsored by the American Cancer Association. It's a four day bike ride beginning in Cleveland and ending in Cincinnati (328 total miles). Please don't feel obligated to donate, but if you're looking for somewhere to send your charitable contribution dollars, his page is here.

The Happiest Gwensday

As I mentioned, yesterday I saw the plastic surgeon. I did indeed get those blasted drains removed and I was so happy I could have danced. Except that would have hurt, so I didn't. My new boobs (or "toobs" - boobs made from tummy tissue) are doing great. My stomach incision, not so much. Part of it has separated, which is not uncommon, but it freaked me out. Fortunately it's not infected, but we need to keep it packed with gauze and change said gauze daily. And by "we" I mean "Aaron" and he is oh, so excited about it. This is true love, friends. I go back to see the surgeon in three weeks.

Today I got the best news of all! I saw the breast surgeon. We talked about the fact that there was indeed more DCIS (stage zero cancer) in the right breast and how thankful we are that the mammogram led to the finding of 3 mm calcifications which then led to the realization that there was really 7 centimeters of cancer in that bitch. Since it was all non-invasive and because we took off both breasts, there is no need for chemo and no need even for any hormone therapy or additional treatment of any kind. This is amazing, wonderful news! He doesn't want to see me for another six months.

Last night our niece Jackie posted another of her fabulous drawings of me. For those of you not on Facebook who haven't seen it:

Nice rack, right? She's just awesome.

Again, I can't thank you all enough for all the support and kind words over the last few months.

My dad's still watching over me

If you're a morning reader of blogs, as you read this I'm at the plastic surgeon's office getting drains removed and whatnot. Look for that update tomorrow.

Yesterday a lot of bloggers wrote about their dads, but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself because I missed out on a blogger gathering (and a birthday party for one of my favorite little guys - Happy 3rd Birthday, George!). My dad died 2 1/2 years ago and to be honest, my family just doesn't do much for Mother's or Father's Day. But I do have a little story to share.

Obligatory pic of my dad and me, 1991.

Two weeks ago today, my mom was driving me to the hospital for surgery (Aaron drove separately). She said that she could smell tobacco in her car. Now, my dad was a smoker, mostly a pipe, but there's absolutely no reason that her car should have smelled like tobacco. She bought the car after he died.

So thanks Dad, for looking out for me.

And now......I got this in the mail yesterday:

One of my BFFs in blogging and in life, Steph, had this tumbler made for me. You guys, I love it so much I can't even tell you. Steph's friend has a business called Elderberry Designs where you can order all kinds of personalized stuff. You can find Elderberry Designs on Facebook and there's an Etsy shop as well.

When Aaron saw it he said "you have some pretty great friends."

Yes. Yes, I do.

Where's Flat Gila when you need her?

Y'all have heard about Flat Stanley, right? You take a drawing of a person and send it to friends and family and they take pictures of it on various adventures. Well, on Saturday there was an Ohio Bloggers meetup here in Columbus. It was literally (and I do mean literally) 2 miles from my house, but it was too soon for me to make a social appearance. Way too late, I thought I should have sent a Flat Gila!

I was super happy to see all the pictures on Instagram, but sad too, because I couldn't be there. The event was hosted by Shane and Holly. I've been fortunate to have met Holly once before. Some of my other favorite bloggers were also there, including Erin, Kayla, Margaret, Vanessa and Whitney. If I were proficient at all in photo-shopping I'd insert my face in some of their pictures. Ah well, there will be another chance, I'm sure.

More gorgeous flowers!

My weekend was full of a combo of rest and visitors. I got to spend some time out on the porch, and I've watched a lot of TV and movies (that's enough for its own blog post).

Steph sent me some new pleasures!

Tomorrow I see the plastic surgeon again and should get these last drains removed. Keep your fingers crossed!

Update Part Dos, and why I'm probably not in danger of being a drug addict

OK, now that we're all on the same page, I have more updates for you and a couple funny stories. Hopefully I can get them across to be as funny as I think they are.

Where we left off…

I got home from the hospital on Friday June 6th and pretty much slept the whole time. Saturday I felt pretty good, all things considered (I find that I use that phrase a lot now) and even though I was in bed most of the time, I had many visitors and I didn't even nap!

Sunday and Monday were a little rougher. The drain sites were extremely tender and the drains themselves make me feel less than human. Aaron's been fantastic, just hugging me when I cry over silly things, helping me get dressed, making sure I eat and forcing me to walk. At first it was laps up and down the hallway upstairs but we've graduated to walks around the 'hood. They're very short, but it's something.

Just some of the beautiful flowers I've received

My first follow up with the plastic surgeon was Tuesday, exactly one week after surgery. I had a mini-meltdown at home while trying to dress for my first venture out of the house. I don't want to get too graphic, but I came home with four drains: one in each boob and one on each side of my abdomen, right about hip-level. I'm wearing a weird surgical bra to keep everything up there in place and I have a big ole incision from hip to hip, plus my belly button has been moved so it looks kinda creepy, too. The placement of the abdominal drains make it so that I can't really pull up anything very far. To be honest, at home I usually just wear underwear on my bottom half. So I kind of lose it when I can't figure out anything to wear that won't hurt (and that won't show off my nasty hairy legs). Finally Aaron grabbed a maxi skirt and it worked perfectly because it's extra long, so I put the waistband up under my boobs and it worked like a charm. Off we go.

On this particular morning, it was rainy and kind of cool, but of course I have AHF (Asshole Hot Flashes, for the uninformed) so I have the air cranked up and my poor zero-body-fat, always cold husband has goosebumps on top of his goosebumps. [Sidenote, in the hospital my room was freezing, to everyone but me. Aaron would wear a sweater and jeans to visit me, and the nurses eventually gave him two blankets.]

So we get to the surgeon's office about 10 minutes early. I had taken pain meds before we left the house so I'm feeling slightly loopy. The waiting room was pretty full and we sat right beneath a TV set which had an HGTV show with Lara Spencer about repurposing flea market finds or some shit and it was loud and annoying (probably wouldn't have been any other time). There was a married couple who were just talking, and while they were louder than I would be in a waiting room, they weren't obnoxious, but I'm getting hyper-sensitive to all the noises around me. I'm burning up. I'm in pain. Then there were these two older-than-me ladies who are looking at a phone and bidding on eBay on some fucking Lilly Pulitzer handbag. "Oo, $21, that's a great price, put that in there..." Finally after 40 minutes in the waiting room we got taken back to an exam room. As soon as we walked in there I started crying and telling Aaron all about why I was about to lose my shit.

The surgeon came in and asked how I was and I could hardly talk and all I could say was "please take out these drains." Aaron filled him in on my breakdown and the surgeon said "you should have outbid them." He was great, and while he sympathized with my pain, he made sure I knew that it would be devastating to remove the drains too early. I know. I get it. He took out the two on the right side, and that has made a huge difference. I go back to see him next Tuesday.

In the Facebook updates, Aaron mentioned a funny story about pain meds. The first night in the hospital, when I finally got to my room, I was told about the PCA pump for pain management. All I remember is that the nurse said "when the light on the pump is green, you can push the button for pain meds." I knew there was no chance of overdose, but I think I had it in my head that the time between the green lights would be an hour. It was really 10 minutes. So after about nine hours when the nurse asked me about my pain she said "just so you know, you're allowed 2 milligrams per hour, and you only used 1.6 milligrams all night." Holy shit! You can bet I pressed that button more frequently after that. As my sister-in-law said, "who thinks it's a good idea to give direction like that to someone who's just been under anesthesia for eight hours?"

Things are going as well as can be expected. I'm happy to know that this part is behind me, but I know I still have a lot ahead of me, too. Emotions are all over the place. Sometimes I quite literally think this is all a bad dream and it's not really happening to me. I need to thank you all again (and again) for all the love and support. It is truly uplifting and it helps more than you can even imagine!